The Other Side of The City...

It's been over a week since we settled in our new house so I've decided to check the city out, threw my jeans on and walked out, It's amazing how dark and muddy that city is, no street lamps only on the main roads other than that its complete scary darkness, I realised then that going around in Erbil alone was probably not a great idea, aside from the fact that people here stare and i mean STARE they make you feel like an alien and they look you right in the eye, it's very creepy but you get used to it after a while, but the worst part is the streets in Erbil are not straight they are basically circular so my advice would be do not try to be smart and take short cuts unless you know what you're doing! After a few loops around the city I started to understand the geography of the area if I take left it would take me half an hour to get to the super market while if i took right 10 minutes!!! I started making friends with grocery man and the store people, who gave a nickname "scarfy with jeans" I found out about this nickname once when mom got lost, again the roads are circular, and the guys from the supermarket told her which road I usually take back home. I remember discovering Naza mall and the shopping spree that I had there, the Bazar and being kicked out the minute Almughrib Prayers athan was heared and ofcourse Sami Abdulrahman's Park one of the most beautiful places in the city. After going around for a few days I started realising that it's not realy that bad but that doesn't mean i started to like it!!! no way, I was crying every single night and day and whenever I felt like it, very hard times but before I even noticed it was Newroz already the very beautifully celebrated holiday over here, and the day after it was off to Baghdad!!

Off to the City of the Dead

The drive to my brother's house took forever and once we got there, Oh My Goodness!!! what is going on? people out side there homes shopping after sunset! this can't be real, I was shocked I haven't seen the world outside after sunset in over a year, so the other side of Baghdad was relatively alive, I must admit as sad as I was the vision of Palestine Street and all those people was refreshing and i couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to go sh oping (which i did the next day), then the night came and it was the longest night I've ever had I remember crying myself to sleep which sadly became a habit after that for a very long time!

We decided to stay for a couple of days before heading to Erbil, where my dad was, It was decided that I'm not going to go to school anymore and that I'm going with mom there and we'll figure it out later, we stayed in my brother's house for a couple of days, most of which were spent on the phone with my friends crying, yes I do cry a lot although in my defense it was a very difficult experience I didn't have a place to call home which was devastating at the time but after a while I got used to it!!

Early morning, saying our goodbyes and off we go, to the unknown, I use that expression quite a lot, but it's true in this environment, once you step outside your house you're facing the unknown you never know when a bomb will explode, a random kidnap job, or just bullet from no-where will get you!! scary but very true, we made it to the city of the dead as I used to call it, the minute that we crossed the main check point I felt my heart beating so hard it felt like it was trying to get out, i tried so hard not show it but then I couldn't I felt a tear rolling down my cheek, I took out my sunglasses quickly, put them on so that no one would notice. Things happen for a reason and it better a good one and I'm young so I'll adapt and if I can't I'll force myself.

There's dad, I haven't seen him in months and I miss him but I was so angry at him for making me come to this place, I was so cold while greeting him and apparently he understood! so he didn't ask or anything. We drove to his company rest house we were going to say there for a few days until the house we rented is finished. A house full of old men, a house keeping lady and her daughter and the very religious very strange young guy who I can swear had a psychological problem, the man was weired!!anyway, i shared the room with mom and dad and since I was basically not speaking to anyone my pride prevented me from asking for a blanket which was a huge mistake!! the power would go off around 2 in the morning and believe me Erbil is cold very cold. The few days that I spent there I would watch TV all day long stay up late go to bed (not really a bed it was a towel) after mid night, there was a bag that I slept on all the time which turned out to be a bag of SHOES !!!! yes I slept on shoes I used every single peace of cloth to cover myself while sleeping until finally I couldn't take it anymore I asked for a proper set, after that dad and I started talking again but even after that I still felt angry I just wanted to kill someone, I never did though thank god!! two days later we moved to our new house...

The Sad Goodbyes

Wake up, wake up!!! it's a bad dream, I kept telling my self as we I started throwing important things in suitcases ,I felt a chill running down my spine ,I hate to admit it but at some point I actually pinched myself, you know like in movies, but it didn't work!!!

I couldn't believe it this is actually happening, I'll never see my home again, the very long garage the beautiful garden, the gigantic kitchen, no more Friday family lunches, no more rat hunting, no more waking up angry because the cats in the back yard decided to make babies right under my bed room window, how can I leave and I never really found out whats Mr. freaky neighbour on the balcony's story? or does the neighbours dog bark at night because of all the monsters in the backyards bathroom? will the trees in my garden ever form a green roof? will the couple who's conversations I heard all the time on my radio ever get married? silly questions I know but I really wanted to have answers, no time for that we need to harry up and leave as soon as possible, Layth is coming home from work and the minute he's here we're leaving.

A group of gangsters were going around the neighbourhood with load speakers saying that if Shiite (my people) don't leave all the men in their families will be dead, they didn't even call us Shiite they called us Rfidha which translates to the refusers!!! those who refuse to follow the right path, outlaws, intruders to society, rebellions, you name it. I was furious because once again my entire existence is being controlled by a group of ignorant, savage, heartless strangers, did I do something wrong to deserve this? or is it just a test from God?may be!!!

We started putting things in the car i don't remember saying anything to anyone or having anyone say anything to me, too many things were running through my mind and I can only imagine how Mom and Layth felt. All the basic needs are packed, some clothes, money, expensive things all is there thrown randomly in the back of the car, doors are are locked, this is it, take a final look for you might never see it again, it felt like a huge rock was thrown against my chest, I'm choking, i can't breath, must be strong!! I took a deep breath and said "Alhamdulilah (thank god) for everything", i turned around, got into the car and then came Khala Bano (my neighbour) "whats going on", she said "well you see we're leaving", said mom and they both started crying, tears started running down my cheeks I couldn't take it anymore, I'm not as strong as I thought I was! as she was holding me "take care of your mom" she said, kissed me and waved good bye as the car slowly moved away, the beautiful street, the neon lights my brother and his friend put on every single house entrance, things I probably will never see but definitely will miss.
Good bye house, good bye street, good bye Khala Bano, good bye life, unknown scary future here I come...

The day that started it all

Time: November '06, Place: Baghdad, Iraq....

It is the first week in my third year in college I've just switched majors and I'm incredibly excited about it, new place, new teachers and great friends and family, mom has just started feeling better after long painful nights suffering from the excruciating pain of herpes zoster and to top it all I've just lost 10 kilos it sounds like life couldn't be better right! but the truth is everything around me was falling apart, life as we knew it was long gone and everything around me was different and as hard as we all tried to just act as if everything around us was fine we couldn't since it's realy hard to avoid the sound of bullets passing over your head or your car!! and all the dead people on the streets, the bombs, the killing, the kidnaping oh my god whats hepenning to my life? did I dtep into a westside story-type movie by accident??? all we're missing is the horses and the cowboy hats and there you go a live show, but the only difrence was that Steven Spielberg was not behind the camera to master a production like this it was real life, real people and real distruction.

A roumur started that morning saying that the minister of higher education was on TV last night and stated that schools and universities will close this year due to the bad situation in Baghdad, it was chaotic everyone was talking about it people were crying, the one thing we all were certain about regrding the mysterious future we were facing was our education and this is being taken away from us, I was furious I felt like I had no control what so ever on my life and that my life and everybody's was controlled by complete strangers who couldn't care less about anyone of us...

The day ended and we all agreed on taking the rest of the week off just to see what will happen and if nothing bad (reletivly) happens we'll be back on sunday, screw the system and the government and who ever it is that tries to mess with our lives, i kept telling my self that its only acouple of days and I'll go back to classes and this will all be history and one day we'll look back and laugh on how naive we were, but the truth is this little voice inside my head kept telling me that things will changs and life as I knew it will, once again, change but this time it will be dramatic and as hard as I tried to keep that voice down I just couldn't. I went back home and found mom packing!!" honey we're leaving if we don't Layth (my brother) will be killed by tomorrow morning".....I'm leaving my life heading to Erbil the city I hated everything about, I started packing quickly and I could almost hear that little voice inside of me saying I told you so!!!